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This week's Fic Rec Monday is all about fake dating/relationships/marriages and it's 100% Claire's fault. She quite innocently asked if I had any fake married recs and I said I'd do some digging in my bookmarks. I didn't find as many fics for her favored fandoms as I would've liked, but I did fall down an AO3 black hole, so someone should benefit from that monstrous time suck. Here are some of my favorite fake relationship fics.

The 100

How to Win the Breakup by wordyanansi
Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Monty Green/Nathan Miller, Bellamy Blake, Clarke Griffin, Octavia Blake, Nathan Miller, Raven Reyes, Monty Green, Harper, Mel, Jasper Jordan, John Mbege, Lincoln, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Teacher!Clarke, Teacher!Bellamy, Tumblr Prompt, Weddings
Summary: “Lily’s getting married and I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend and come with me,” Bellamy says, ripping the band-aid off quickly. She laughs for a moment, folds the newspaper and places it on the table, and then turns to look at him.

“You’re serious,” she says. Bellamy nods.

It's a pretty stupid plan, but it just might work.

one night to push and scream by tacosandflowers
Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake, Clarke Griffin, Raven Reyes, Nathan Miller, Marcus Kane, Lorelei Tsing, Cage Wallace, Dante Wallace, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternative Universe - FBI, Smut
Summary: Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin are FBI agents sent undercover as a married couple to infiltrate the Wallace family organized crime ring. Great plan, except for the part where they hate each other.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

a distinct lack of tutus by Fahye
Rosa Diaz/Amy Santiago
Summary: "Sure, whatever," says Diaz. She slouches even further into today's leather jacket. "Women hit on me all the time. I know how to handle it."

Game of Thrones

The mess that we'll become by SecondStarOnTheLeft
Sansa Stark/Willas Tyrell, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friends to Lovers, mentions of abuse, Mentions of Violence
Summary: It takes three days for the idea to occur to her.

If Joffrey thinks she and Willas are dating, and Tyene thinks she and Willas are dating, why shouldn't they at least pretend to date?

Generation Kill

Tiptoe Through Our Shiny City by Dira Sudis
Brad Colbert/Nate Fick, Homophobic Language
Summary: "If you don't let me come to Boston because the kids will think I'm your boyfriend then the kids who think I'm your boyfriend have already won."


smile more by drunkonwriting
WIP, Aaron Burr/Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Angelica Schuyler
Summary: Aaron wakes up to a throbbing headache and Alexander Hamilton sprawled over his stomach. He blinks at the ceiling as his brain tries, under the weight of its massive hangover, to reconcile what exactly is happening right now. Hamilton is heavy for such a small person. He doesn't snore, but on every exhale he makes a small, chuffing sound.

"What the fuck," Aaron says.

burr and hamilton accidentally get married in vegas.

Harry Potter

No Mum, He Really Is My Boyfriend by showmeyourtradis
Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Post Hogwarts, Pregnant Lily, Mutual Pining
Summary: If Remus has to go on one more date set up by his mother, he will maul his own face off. It was nothing against the boys, they were... Well, they were horribly dull, but it was mostly the werewolf thing. So when an escape plan, in the form of Sirius Black, presents itself, Remus is more than happy to take it.

Reparatio by astolat
Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Post Hogwarts, EWE
Summary: Draco snorted. “I’m not reduced to penury. I want something considerably beyond money, and I rather think you’re the only one can give it to me.”

“You want the Invisibility Cloak,” Harry said, flatly. He’d half expected as much; it was the only thing he had that Draco could want—

“Don’t be stupid, Potter,” Draco said. “I want my reputation back.”

The Hobbit

Something Blue by Lapin
Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Fíli/Ori, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Politics, Gardens & Gardening
Summary: Thorin marries Bilbo after the Battle of Five Armies, a marriage of convenience, not love. Slowly, they must come to make the best of it, Bilbo resolves. After all, he's a Hobbit. They make the best of things.

Hockey RPF

something good and right and real by blamefincham, thistidalwave
Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin, Jordie Benn, Jamie Benn, Tyler Seguin, Soulmate-Identify Marks, Pining, Weddings
Summary: Jamie stares at him for a long moment, blinking slowly. “You…what?”

“Told her I’d bring you to the wedding and tell everyone the story of how we realized we’re in love?” Tyler repeats. “It’s in Florida. This weekend. Uh, I hope you don’t have plans?”

“But we’re not…in love,” Jamie says, like he’s checking to make sure it’s still true.

“No, we’d have to pretend,” Tyler says.

House, M.D.

A Modest Proposal by ignaz
Greg House/James Wilson, Greg House, James Wilson, Lisa Cuddy, Eric Foreman, Robert Chase, Allison Cameron, Michael Tritter, First Time, Romance, Legal Drama, Humor, Angst
Summary: Tritter's case against House still depends on subpoenaed testimony from Wilson. To save House from losing everything, the doctors of PPTH decide on an unusual solution, which in turn leads to unexpected consequences. This is a story about the sacrifices we make that turn out not to be such great sacrifices after all. (Contains spoilers for everything up to and including "Merry Little Christmas.")


a long way from the playground by tesselated
James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov, Rebecca Barnes, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Jewish Bucky, Pre-Serum Steve
Summary: “Actually, I am dating someone.” He says.

What ends up happening is, he says the first name that comes to mind.

What ends up happening is, he blurts out, “Steve Rogers.”

Without thinking, obviously. Because if he had been thinking, he would have thought of something better than this.

And that's how Bucky ends up bringing Steve as a date to his sister's wedding.

Love Among the Hydrothermal Vents by DevilDoll
Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Namor, Stalking, Tentacles
Summary: In which Namor has a thing for Steve, an octopus has a thing for Tony, and Steve and Tony eventually have a thing for each other.

Say You Will, Say You Won't by Traincat
Johnny Storm/Peter Parker
Summary: Johnny Storm found him on a Friday afternoon, wearing the kind of beseeching look that filled Peter with dread.

“I need to ask you a favor,” he said.

“No,” Peter said, swinging away.

Peter and Johnny get married, really-not-really.


(Un)covered by rageprufrock
Tony DiNozzo/Jethro Gibbs, Rule 63
Summary: Toni has spent her entire life hopelessly in love with people.

North & South - Elizabeth Gaskell

Not A Ready Lover by satonawall
Margaret Hale/John Thornton, Margaret Hale, John Thornton, Bessy Higgins, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, past Margaret/Bessy
Summary: Margaret needs a date to Edith’s wedding to avoid her aunt’s match-making. Sadly, the only one she can think of is her ex-girlfriend’s boss.


Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy
Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Mycroft Holmes, Mummy, Road Trips, Family, The Outer Hebrides
Summary: “You love your mother, Sherlock?”

John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk.

“Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”

Star Wars

Crown Shyness by GreyMichaela
Poe Dameron/Finn, Poe Dameron, Finn, BB-8, Nien Nunb, Karé Kun, Jessika Pava, Temmin "Snap" Wexley, Angst, Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love
Summary: The thing is--

The thing is, Poe Dameron is tactile. He’s expressive and volatile and talks with his hands, dark eyes alight with joy as he weaves his stories and always, always, he’s in contact with someone.

He’s leaning against Snap’s shoulder as he eats custard bread and talks about life on Yavin 4. He’s got an arm around Jessika’s waist while he spins a wild story of running from smugglers (after winning their cargo in a poker game). His hand rests on Nien Nunb’s thigh as they eat dinner, or he laces his fingers with Karé Kun’s as they sprawl in the common room after their shifts.

But he never touches Finn like that.

Honeying by Saucery
Poe Dameron/Finn, Fluff and Angst, Sharing a Bed, Falling in Love, Hotel Sex
Summary: Poe and Finn get married without even knowing it.

step out into the sun by plutos
WIP, Poe Dameron/Finn, Poe Dameron, Finn, Rey, Jessika Pava, Karé Kun, Iolo Arana, Temmin "Snap" Wexley, Leia Organa, BB-8, Oblivious Finn, Pining, welcome to hell - Freeform, I can't believe there's a freeform tag for welcome to hell oh my god, lots of hand holding, gay space babies, Fluff, Angst, Kissing 101 with Poe Dameron
Summary: “I gotta talk to you, buddy, real quick,” Poe says lowly, and grabs Finn’s hand to haul him back out of the mess hall. His pilot friends cheer loudly, Karé yelling something about keeping it decent, and Finn barely has a second to process it before Poe’s yanking him away and into a deserted side corridor.

“I can explain,” he says quickly, running his spare hand through his hair.

“Well good,” Finn snaps hotly, “Because I’ve had a really fucking weird day.”

Otherwise known as: Finn Is An Oblivious Numbskull, or: the one where Finn gets a name, a jacket, a droid, and a marriage out of nowhere in only a few short weeks

Stargate: Atlantis

Catch-19 by chellefic
Rodney McKay/John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, John Sheppard, Elizabeth Weir, Richard Woolsey, Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex, First Time
Summary: The IOA wants to replace John, but never fear, Rodney has a plan.

Post-Nuptial by rageprufrock
Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Summary: “What the fuck, McKay!” John yelled. “I can’t take you anywhere!”

Teen Wolf

can't be hateful, gotta be grateful by HalfFizzbin
Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski, Sheriff Stilinski, Holidays, Thanksgiving, Pining, Oblivious, Future Fic, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, First Time, pecan pie, intimidating Polish grandma, Stiles' first name, Derek in a sweater, Stilinski feels, Fluff
Summary: "Be cool, Dad, we've decided to con Grandma."

(Or, the one where the Stilinski men drag Derek to Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma's and she gets the right wrong idea.)

Cross A Canyon (with a broken limb) by theroguesgambit
Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale, Scott McCall, Lydia Martin, Kira Yukimura, Sheriff Stilinski, Tutoring, Misunderstandings, Pining, Monster of the Week, Insecure Derek
Summary: “You never graduated,” Stiles says, just to say it. To test it out in the open air. That's... huh.

Stiles spends his senior year battling troll-gremlins, taking on an unexpected tutoring job, and definitely not falling for a certain sourwolf (even though everyone else seems to think he is).

For Love is Not Ours to Command by weathervaanes
Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall/Kira Yukimura, Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall, Rafael McCall, Derek Has Issues
Summary: Where Derek's skills at thinking on his feet mean that he and Stiles have to act. For the sake of Stiles' dad, of course, for the sake of the pack. No personal interest interference at all, whatsoever. Right.


“Why does my dad say that you and your boyfriend are a bad influence on me?”


“Yeah, what boyfriend? Dude, you are not allowed to not tell me crap like this. You didn't think I'd like be a douchebag or something. Right?”

“No, wait, what? I have no boyfriend.”

“He says you were with him at the police station.”

Stiles blinks. “Uhm. Oh shit.”

A Hale for the Holidays by rlnerdgirl
Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale, Laura Hale, Talia Hale, Sheriff Stilinski, Scott McCall, Kira Yukimura, Stiles is a homeless doctoral student, Derek is a semi-famous author, Shenanigans, Christmas, New Year's Eve, Alternate Universe - Human, New York City, Beacon Hills
Summary: “I sent you a Christmas card that got sent back to me. Did you get a new apartment?” his dad wonders. The question is all suspicion and little anything else.

A flicker of an idea sparks. It’s not nearly formed well enough for him to say, “Yeah, actually,” and when he follows that with, “I moved in with someone,” he wants to punch himself in the face. He’s living with someone?!

“You’re living with someone?” It’s the same voice and tone as the one in Stiles’ head, just thirty years older.

Two things keep Stiles from bashing his face onto the table: there’s a steaming cup of coffee in the way and, more importantly, his dad will definitely hear. Someone passes by in front of him and a semi-familiar book cover catches his eye. “Derek Hale,” he muses, and stops. No. That wasn’t meant to be out loud.

last night's dress (tiptoe out of this mess) by hito
Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski, Sheriff Stilinski, Scott McCall, Melissa McCall
Summary: TFLN: My dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for Sunday brunch next week. You in?

X-Men Movie-verse

Everything You Know Is Wrong by aesc, pocky_slash
Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Nick Fury/Moira MacTaggert, Charles Xavier, Erik Lehnsherr, Moira MacTaggert, Nick Fury, Graydon Creed, Kurt Marko, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Spies & Secret Agents, Graduate Students, Reunions, Genetic Engineering
Summary: When Charles Xavier was five years old, he worshiped his father. When he was eleven, he learned to loathe his abusive stepfather. When he was sixteen, he gave up any claim on the family fortune just to escape. At twenty-four, he's moved away from home into a crappy, standard-issue graduate student house, and gone through his degree program with his best friend, Moira, by his side.

He's adjusted. He knows who he is and where he comes from and what his future holds. At least, until a stranger in a bathrobe shows up in his living room, having used his shower, eaten his lunch and, oh yes, broken in uninvited. Suddenly, everything Charles knows to be true about himself may turn out to be wrong, and his future and past both may be more dangerous than he ever could have imagined.

(aka the bathrobe fic)

No Sting by pearl_o
Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents
Summary: Erik's latest assignment has him undercover as a married couple with Agent Xavier. Luckily, Erik's a professional.

August 2017

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